Cool.
When we say, 'man, that's cool...'... what are we really saying? Other things aren't? When a person's "cool" isn't that saying that the others are not?
When what's "cool" are your clothes, your car, your style or your 'look'... what about the people who can't afford that stuff? What does that make them?
What do we judge people on? I mean, I was told I am 'above' working at McDonald's or Wal-mart. What does that say of our opinion of the people who work their Mc-jobs?
We're all broken. We all mess up, alot. We all need redemption. We all need love. You, with your $500 handbag are no better than my homeless friend with her publix grocery bag...
I want to just throw this out there...
And understand that I am an advocate for college, for learning, and most of all for knowledge... BUT... this is something that's been on my heart...
Why do we go to college? Could we not go to the library and spend 50000 dollars less, and learn the same thing, if not more? Yes, we could. So why do we concern ourselves? For other people. For labels. For money. "No one will take you seriously if you don't finish college"... "You'll never get a 'real' job if you don't finish school."... Continue this in your mind... what's the stigma that goes along with people who don't go to college? "I'm working towards a degree that can really help people..." Really? That's what's going to help people? Only because other people will then take you seriously...
What labels are we creating with our pursuits? What stigmas are we creating with our actions?
What kind of world would it be if we stopped caring about "cool"?
What kind of world would it be if we stopped worrying all about our 'selves' and cared for others?
What kind of world would it be if we weren't filled with greed and self-interest, but LIVED 1 John 3:16-18? If we were willing to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters?
Forget that... what if we actually treated people as if they were our brothers and sisters?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Captivated
Prayer makes things happen, because He makes things happen.
People will joke that you ought to be careful what you pray for, because it might just happen...
If you pray for patience, you will be put in situations that will teach you that. If you pray for God's heart to love people, be prepared to be broken. If you memorize and pray over that passage in James that says "Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds, because the testing of your faith produces steadfastness..."... be prepared to face trials where you will have to strive to see the joy...
I say these things because that's what He's brought me through.
He is so good, and everything that's good in and around me is Him. It's just Jesus. He's grace and mercy and hope and love.
He's my precious Redeemer, and He's ransomed me.
He's set me free, and captivated me in doing so.
When I don't have the strength to carry on, when I am run down, worn out, messed up, sick, He carries me.
I'm weak, but He's strong. I'm down, but He's up. I'm discouraged, but He is courage. I'm broken, but He's the healer. I'm hurt, but He's love. I'm lost, but He rescues me. I'm nothing, but He's everything.
He's truth, love, courage, grace, mercy, compassion, strength, good, wise, mighty, so much more.
Song of Songs 4:7. Matthew 5:14-16. James 1:2-7. 1 John 3:16-18. 1 John 4:18. Captivated - Shawn Mcdonald
People will joke that you ought to be careful what you pray for, because it might just happen...
If you pray for patience, you will be put in situations that will teach you that. If you pray for God's heart to love people, be prepared to be broken. If you memorize and pray over that passage in James that says "Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds, because the testing of your faith produces steadfastness..."... be prepared to face trials where you will have to strive to see the joy...
I say these things because that's what He's brought me through.
He is so good, and everything that's good in and around me is Him. It's just Jesus. He's grace and mercy and hope and love.
He's my precious Redeemer, and He's ransomed me.
He's set me free, and captivated me in doing so.
When I don't have the strength to carry on, when I am run down, worn out, messed up, sick, He carries me.
I'm weak, but He's strong. I'm down, but He's up. I'm discouraged, but He is courage. I'm broken, but He's the healer. I'm hurt, but He's love. I'm lost, but He rescues me. I'm nothing, but He's everything.
He's truth, love, courage, grace, mercy, compassion, strength, good, wise, mighty, so much more.
Song of Songs 4:7. Matthew 5:14-16. James 1:2-7. 1 John 3:16-18. 1 John 4:18. Captivated - Shawn Mcdonald
Saturday, March 29, 2008
All is Vanity & the Pursuit of Nothingness.
In Ecclesiastes, it says that all is vanity and the pursuit of nothingness.
It made me question myself.
What are you pursuing?
Is it for myself? This world? Other people?
Or is it for my Saviour?
The pursuit of money, this world, your Self, 'Cool'...
That's all fleeting, it's like chasing the wind.
Kill your 'Self'. You must in order to really find yourself, in order to really seek after Him.
Love is here. Love is now. Love is pouring from His hands and His brow. Love is near, it satisfies. Streams of mercy flowing from His side.
It made me question myself.
What are you pursuing?
Is it for myself? This world? Other people?
Or is it for my Saviour?
The pursuit of money, this world, your Self, 'Cool'...
That's all fleeting, it's like chasing the wind.
Kill your 'Self'. You must in order to really find yourself, in order to really seek after Him.
Love is here. Love is now. Love is pouring from His hands and His brow. Love is near, it satisfies. Streams of mercy flowing from His side.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Live It Out.
Shane Claiborne tells a story about a woman who knew that he and his comrades were Christians because they 'shine'... and when they met again, she wasn't recognized because she was shining...
In Matthew, it says, "You are the light of the world... let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."...
Smiling is so much greater than not smiling... letting love shine through our actions instead of just preaching to people is what I am convinced we are called to do.
In 1 John, we are told "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
Live it out.
Don't just talk about it.
St Francis of Assisi said...
“Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”
and...
"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
Live it out.
Live the love.
Make love an action.
Make Jesus real to those around you.
Seek first to love and not to be loved.
Forget about trying to be cool. Forget about what people think. Just love. Love like there's no tomorrow...
When you're in love, you smile alot... you hear a love song on the radio, and it makes you all warm and fuzzy. You smile at the sight of couples, and everything is brighter... like the world went from black and white into color...
Shouldn't it be that way with Jesus? Are we so in love with Him that it just overflows into everything... that a simple love song makes us think of Him? That we smile at the bag lady at walmart, because we're happy, and in love?
Shouldn't our HEARTS be OPEN to receiving, (and then pouring out) Jesus & His Love?
In Matthew, it says, "You are the light of the world... let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."...
Smiling is so much greater than not smiling... letting love shine through our actions instead of just preaching to people is what I am convinced we are called to do.
In 1 John, we are told "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
Live it out.
Don't just talk about it.
St Francis of Assisi said...
“Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”
and...
"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
Live it out.
Live the love.
Make love an action.
Make Jesus real to those around you.
Seek first to love and not to be loved.
Forget about trying to be cool. Forget about what people think. Just love. Love like there's no tomorrow...
When you're in love, you smile alot... you hear a love song on the radio, and it makes you all warm and fuzzy. You smile at the sight of couples, and everything is brighter... like the world went from black and white into color...
Shouldn't it be that way with Jesus? Are we so in love with Him that it just overflows into everything... that a simple love song makes us think of Him? That we smile at the bag lady at walmart, because we're happy, and in love?
Shouldn't our HEARTS be OPEN to receiving, (and then pouring out) Jesus & His Love?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Kill My Self.
Learning, growing, seeing, touching, doing, speaking, listening,
LOVING.
I walked with a friend down Paramore last night, with pizzas from Little Ceasars, at 9 oclock.
I saw at least a hundred men sleeping in boxes, covered with cardboard, asking me if they could buy a slice of pizza.
I traded them for hugs.
I wasn't welcome to sleep at the coalition for the homeless. Nor was I welcome to give pizza.
After all the pizza was gone, and I half-smoked a cigarette - to make a point about Jesus, addiction, growth, witness, and example - we walked on. We ended up on a roof overlooking downtown.
My friend threw the cigarette pack off of the roof. No words were spoken... It was my friend's last struggle of SELF.
And before the cigarettes were thrown, I had been thinking that I would like to throw my SELF off of that building.
That I need to die in order to really live. In order to really be free, I must kill all of that SELF inside me that screams to be the center of my life.
There are so many more words to be spoken, written. (and typed.)
But I know not how to form them, because they are too many.
Luke 9:23
LOVING.
I walked with a friend down Paramore last night, with pizzas from Little Ceasars, at 9 oclock.
I saw at least a hundred men sleeping in boxes, covered with cardboard, asking me if they could buy a slice of pizza.
I traded them for hugs.
I wasn't welcome to sleep at the coalition for the homeless. Nor was I welcome to give pizza.
After all the pizza was gone, and I half-smoked a cigarette - to make a point about Jesus, addiction, growth, witness, and example - we walked on. We ended up on a roof overlooking downtown.
My friend threw the cigarette pack off of the roof. No words were spoken... It was my friend's last struggle of SELF.
And before the cigarettes were thrown, I had been thinking that I would like to throw my SELF off of that building.
That I need to die in order to really live. In order to really be free, I must kill all of that SELF inside me that screams to be the center of my life.
There are so many more words to be spoken, written. (and typed.)
But I know not how to form them, because they are too many.
Luke 9:23
Monday, March 24, 2008
Repeat
A friend shared some words with me yesterday that went through me.
He told me that I was making things all about me, in the heat of angry moments, we say things we don't mean.
He apologized, and said it wasn't meant...
But, really... I am. I do.
The thing I am constantly battling is my SELF. I want to make things about me.
I want to be 'cool' or I want to be a rockstar in whatever way I can... I want to be the most radical or the most this or the most that... But that person needs to be killed. (That me.)
Another friend asked me why the Bible repeats itself so much.
I wanted to say because we're stupid and we don't get it the first time... But if that's the case, we don't really get it any time, because we still screw it up.
I don't know why I try to be 'super-whatever' around some people, and not others. I am not going to do so anymore.
This dance with my Jesus, is a process, it's growth. It's cleansing... It's a cycle.
It's lather... Covered in sin and self.
It's rinse... He cleanses us, makes us white as snow...
It's repeat... Because we don't get it, because we go back to the sin that is the self.
And it's a cycle, because He's ever faithful to forgive us, take those burdens, and make us clean again.
Matthew 16 v 24
Mark 8 v 34
Luke 9 v 23
We must refocus. We must not make it about ourselves.
We must put to death our 'super-whatevers' (( Rob Bell )).
Yesterday, I sang, "We are Yours, we are Yours, we are Yours..."
If we claim to be yours, Jesus, we must deny our self, and become YOURS fully. I cry out to you, Father, chip away everything that is not You. More of you today than yesterday and more tomorrow still than today.
He told me that I was making things all about me, in the heat of angry moments, we say things we don't mean.
He apologized, and said it wasn't meant...
But, really... I am. I do.
The thing I am constantly battling is my SELF. I want to make things about me.
I want to be 'cool' or I want to be a rockstar in whatever way I can... I want to be the most radical or the most this or the most that... But that person needs to be killed. (That me.)
Another friend asked me why the Bible repeats itself so much.
I wanted to say because we're stupid and we don't get it the first time... But if that's the case, we don't really get it any time, because we still screw it up.
I don't know why I try to be 'super-whatever' around some people, and not others. I am not going to do so anymore.
This dance with my Jesus, is a process, it's growth. It's cleansing... It's a cycle.
It's lather... Covered in sin and self.
It's rinse... He cleanses us, makes us white as snow...
It's repeat... Because we don't get it, because we go back to the sin that is the self.
And it's a cycle, because He's ever faithful to forgive us, take those burdens, and make us clean again.
Matthew 16 v 24
Mark 8 v 34
Luke 9 v 23
We must refocus. We must not make it about ourselves.
We must put to death our 'super-whatevers' (( Rob Bell )).
Yesterday, I sang, "We are Yours, we are Yours, we are Yours..."
If we claim to be yours, Jesus, we must deny our self, and become YOURS fully. I cry out to you, Father, chip away everything that is not You. More of you today than yesterday and more tomorrow still than today.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Keep Your Coins, I Want Change.
I don't know where to begin.
I haven't slept in nearly 48 hours, and I am absolutely devastated at the moment.
I saw judgment and labels and disapproval like I have never seen before as I spent Easter morning with my beloved friends in downtown Orlando. And I heard Jesus speak through words and actions like never before in the last 24 hours.
I had a friend telling me why she refuses to give money to homeless people, and how they waste their money... And I thought to myself, I wonder how God feels... He blesses us with things, in hopes we might do the right thing with that money, with those resources, and yet we waste it.
But He doesn't stop blessing us.
In the early hours of this morning, as I walked around downtown Orlando "dancing with Jesus", I saw something that stirred me... (Many things, but I will share this one specifically...)
As I was seeing it for the first time, this stained glass window of Jesus that overlooks the city of Orlando - impossible to miss at night - I said to my friend with tears in my eyes, 'Don't they understand that the money spent on that could so much more effectively show Jesus to this city than that stupid window?'
Something along those lines.
I am fed up. I am pissed off. I am sick of labels, and the pursuit of "cool". I am NOT ok with the ordinance against the homeless people in Orlando that forbids us to share meals together. I am NOT OK with the law that forces them to stand in a blue box if they want to hold a sign...
I want to see change. I want to see people who are truly seeking Jesus... and what it means to live Him out, walk with Him, dance with Him, and be HIS.
As I got a few of these thoughts out, I realized that I am to be encouraged; for He is with me, He will guide me, and He is my hope...
There is a light in this darkness and it is my Jesus shining through the innocent hugs of my homeless friends, it is my Saviour screaming beauty from an unexpected smile, it is my Redeemer when we weep together.
He is here. He is moving. Love is real, it's HIM.
I haven't slept in nearly 48 hours, and I am absolutely devastated at the moment.
I saw judgment and labels and disapproval like I have never seen before as I spent Easter morning with my beloved friends in downtown Orlando. And I heard Jesus speak through words and actions like never before in the last 24 hours.
I had a friend telling me why she refuses to give money to homeless people, and how they waste their money... And I thought to myself, I wonder how God feels... He blesses us with things, in hopes we might do the right thing with that money, with those resources, and yet we waste it.
But He doesn't stop blessing us.
In the early hours of this morning, as I walked around downtown Orlando "dancing with Jesus", I saw something that stirred me... (Many things, but I will share this one specifically...)
As I was seeing it for the first time, this stained glass window of Jesus that overlooks the city of Orlando - impossible to miss at night - I said to my friend with tears in my eyes, 'Don't they understand that the money spent on that could so much more effectively show Jesus to this city than that stupid window?'
Something along those lines.
I am fed up. I am pissed off. I am sick of labels, and the pursuit of "cool". I am NOT ok with the ordinance against the homeless people in Orlando that forbids us to share meals together. I am NOT OK with the law that forces them to stand in a blue box if they want to hold a sign...
I want to see change. I want to see people who are truly seeking Jesus... and what it means to live Him out, walk with Him, dance with Him, and be HIS.
As I got a few of these thoughts out, I realized that I am to be encouraged; for He is with me, He will guide me, and He is my hope...
There is a light in this darkness and it is my Jesus shining through the innocent hugs of my homeless friends, it is my Saviour screaming beauty from an unexpected smile, it is my Redeemer when we weep together.
He is here. He is moving. Love is real, it's HIM.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Mercy & Grace.
Jesus.
This crazy mercy and grace that I know so well, yet betray so easily.
How easily I make everything about me and cease to let it be about Jesus.
And even then, He pours love to me. He blesses, He guides, He answers prayers. Prayers I didn't even know to pray sometimes.
I've been praying about taking some steps with some things, and this past week God's really opened doors to make that happen.
He's provided funding for the Thursday nights, as well as some additional stuff... Pots and pans can be bought to cook mass food in. (AWESOME!) As well as awesome, encouraging, uplifting, and honest conversations that spoke some truth into my life..
I've been wanting someone to be in accountability with me, and praying for that, and (Jesus, ya know!) yesterday, had the time to talk with someone and that's going to happen. Awesome.
But it just goes to show you that when we think we deserve it the least, there's Jesus, saying He loves us, pouring out, strengthening... That's grace. That's mercy. That's Jesus.
"I saw all the oppressions that are done under the sun, and behold, the tears of the oppressed, and they had no one to comfort them....." - Ecclesiastes 4:1.
Jesus. Jesus is synonymous with beauty, love, life, truth, way, and all things good... And I love that. He IS those things. Those things ARE HIM.
This crazy mercy and grace that I know so well, yet betray so easily.
How easily I make everything about me and cease to let it be about Jesus.
And even then, He pours love to me. He blesses, He guides, He answers prayers. Prayers I didn't even know to pray sometimes.
I've been praying about taking some steps with some things, and this past week God's really opened doors to make that happen.
He's provided funding for the Thursday nights, as well as some additional stuff... Pots and pans can be bought to cook mass food in. (AWESOME!) As well as awesome, encouraging, uplifting, and honest conversations that spoke some truth into my life..
I've been wanting someone to be in accountability with me, and praying for that, and (Jesus, ya know!) yesterday, had the time to talk with someone and that's going to happen. Awesome.
But it just goes to show you that when we think we deserve it the least, there's Jesus, saying He loves us, pouring out, strengthening... That's grace. That's mercy. That's Jesus.
"I saw all the oppressions that are done under the sun, and behold, the tears of the oppressed, and they had no one to comfort them....." - Ecclesiastes 4:1.
Jesus. Jesus is synonymous with beauty, love, life, truth, way, and all things good... And I love that. He IS those things. Those things ARE HIM.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Broken Hearted.
I sometimes pray that peoples' hearts will be broken. Not because I want anyone to hurt... But because sometimes that's what it takes... Because when the statistics become faces, heartbreak happens, and then change takes place... I was thinking this the other day, and I ran across scriptures that talked about the broken hearted.
That He came to bind up the broken hearted. That He is close to the brokenhearted. Blessed are the broken...
You can't be broken by or for someone or something and do nothing about it... Better to be hot or cold than lukewarm. I feel as though so many I know are so lukewarm. Just surviving, just getting by. Barely there... barely breathing, struggling for fresh air.
He is a breath of fresh air in any situation. High or low, He is the way. He is the truth. He is the life.
I'm so scattered right now. So confused. So disappointed. In myself mostly.
When I think that I have changed, that I have done good, or I have done anything, I realize how much of a screw up I am... When I make my life all about me.
I am in a place right now where I realize that I made some choices that were all about me. And I am heartbroken, aching because of it.
I need to be challenged. I need to be called out. I need accountability and a mentor. I need prayer. I need to be more wise, and the best I can do is to just surrender to Him and pray hard.
Sometimes I catch myself and realize that I have forgotten that I need people. That I can't do it all on my own, and I need other people. I am so afraid of being let down that I rarely depend on others, and I don't expect anyone to follow through...
I am thinking about going vegetarian. And maybe starting to drink coffee. Because I am constantly burnt out.
I hope that the world's heart breaks the way mine did. For Africa. For lost, broken hurting people. For anything, really. I hope that the hole that is left is one that is known to only be filled by the love of Christ, and I hope that love overflows from an open heart into a broken world.
<3
That He came to bind up the broken hearted. That He is close to the brokenhearted. Blessed are the broken...
You can't be broken by or for someone or something and do nothing about it... Better to be hot or cold than lukewarm. I feel as though so many I know are so lukewarm. Just surviving, just getting by. Barely there... barely breathing, struggling for fresh air.
He is a breath of fresh air in any situation. High or low, He is the way. He is the truth. He is the life.
I'm so scattered right now. So confused. So disappointed. In myself mostly.
When I think that I have changed, that I have done good, or I have done anything, I realize how much of a screw up I am... When I make my life all about me.
I am in a place right now where I realize that I made some choices that were all about me. And I am heartbroken, aching because of it.
I need to be challenged. I need to be called out. I need accountability and a mentor. I need prayer. I need to be more wise, and the best I can do is to just surrender to Him and pray hard.
Sometimes I catch myself and realize that I have forgotten that I need people. That I can't do it all on my own, and I need other people. I am so afraid of being let down that I rarely depend on others, and I don't expect anyone to follow through...
I am thinking about going vegetarian. And maybe starting to drink coffee. Because I am constantly burnt out.
I hope that the world's heart breaks the way mine did. For Africa. For lost, broken hurting people. For anything, really. I hope that the hole that is left is one that is known to only be filled by the love of Christ, and I hope that love overflows from an open heart into a broken world.
<3
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Peace Love & Jesus
While I do not think (at all) that the world's MASSIVE problems can be solved with flowers, rainbows, and hugs, I DO think that Jesus is the reconciliation for all.
This 'boy' and I keep having conversations about loving people and peace and stuff, and it all comes down to peace love and Jesus from my "hippie" perspective.
I mean this crazy man Jesus who has made me this CRAZY person I am... He effects everything... All issues. I mean, death penalty and war and abortion and community and self worth and money and intellect and everything. Just everything.
The other night, I sat with a good friend at a really chill place and we talked about this man Jesus. I always thought those Christians I heard talking about falling in love with Jesus were crazy. I mean, like... they could use some kinda pills or something...
And then, here I am, listening to a love song, and thinking about my Jesus. Absolutely head over heels for this man Jesus. Respect, adoration, love, admiration, fear, humility, desire, passion, thirst for this Heavenly Father.
I got officially accepted to India this past Monday, so I will be going. 08 July, 2008 - 05 August, 2008. More details to come.
This 'boy' and I keep having conversations about loving people and peace and stuff, and it all comes down to peace love and Jesus from my "hippie" perspective.
I mean this crazy man Jesus who has made me this CRAZY person I am... He effects everything... All issues. I mean, death penalty and war and abortion and community and self worth and money and intellect and everything. Just everything.
The other night, I sat with a good friend at a really chill place and we talked about this man Jesus. I always thought those Christians I heard talking about falling in love with Jesus were crazy. I mean, like... they could use some kinda pills or something...
And then, here I am, listening to a love song, and thinking about my Jesus. Absolutely head over heels for this man Jesus. Respect, adoration, love, admiration, fear, humility, desire, passion, thirst for this Heavenly Father.
I got officially accepted to India this past Monday, so I will be going. 08 July, 2008 - 05 August, 2008. More details to come.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Spiderman.
I decided to read Ecclesiastes, because, well... I never have before.
I get so frustrated with people, because I want to learn just for the sake of knowledge, ya know? Knowledge for the sake of knowledge, not money or power. But that's rare... And most that I know are more of 'ignorance is bliss' and that gets under my skin.
Here it comes... Ecclesiastes 1 talks all about all things being vanity - which is my biggest frustration with myself and others.... everything is SELF - and then...
"In much wisdom, there is much grief, for he who increases in knowledge increases in sorrow."
That sounds all too familiar to me. I'm pretty sure (correct me if I am wrong) that Spiderman says 'with great wisdom/power comes great responsibility'...
The more you know about this broken, lost, crazy world... the more you ache to solve the problems of other people. The moment that you put a face with those staggering AIDS statistics, or a family of names with the numbers of those who starve to death... YOU have a responsibility... you can't go on ignorant. You know that you can do something about it...
I know that this might be a little out of the context of the passage - like it's talking about the vanity of wisdom - BUT, like I said, I am talking about wisdom - knowledge for the sake of knowledge here - not for the sake of power or money or self.
Like, wow, Jesus.
"I have seen all that is done under the sun, and behold all is vanity and a striving after nothingness {wind - that which is fleeting}."
I get so frustrated with people, because I want to learn just for the sake of knowledge, ya know? Knowledge for the sake of knowledge, not money or power. But that's rare... And most that I know are more of 'ignorance is bliss' and that gets under my skin.
Here it comes... Ecclesiastes 1 talks all about all things being vanity - which is my biggest frustration with myself and others.... everything is SELF - and then...
"In much wisdom, there is much grief, for he who increases in knowledge increases in sorrow."
That sounds all too familiar to me. I'm pretty sure (correct me if I am wrong) that Spiderman says 'with great wisdom/power comes great responsibility'...
The more you know about this broken, lost, crazy world... the more you ache to solve the problems of other people. The moment that you put a face with those staggering AIDS statistics, or a family of names with the numbers of those who starve to death... YOU have a responsibility... you can't go on ignorant. You know that you can do something about it...
I know that this might be a little out of the context of the passage - like it's talking about the vanity of wisdom - BUT, like I said, I am talking about wisdom - knowledge for the sake of knowledge here - not for the sake of power or money or self.
Like, wow, Jesus.
"I have seen all that is done under the sun, and behold all is vanity and a striving after nothingness {wind - that which is fleeting}."
Monday, March 10, 2008
Flawed.
Status tonight - David Miller - was DEAD ON with what I've been thinking lately. Struggling with, rather.
I mean, if you haven't noticed a theme in my 'notes'... Validity, Insecurity, etc... I have been having trouble with my self-worth, self-esteem, self-anything, really. And the root of that problem is that it's based on other people.
I've been stressing about whether or not this boy thinks I'm pretty or sweet or whatever, or whether these people want to hang out with me, or these people think I'm genuine or real, or these other people think I'm smart... etc...
That's not ok.
Tonight at Status, David talked about how we shouldn't get this from people, but rather what does He say about us?
And here's the thing, if I were to describe myself, the best I could do is probably to say 'flawed.' Flawed. Imperfect, worthless, etc...
But my Jesus says that I am loved, justified, redeemed, accepted, beautiful, captivating, His Beloved, and so much more...
And as we worshiped tonight and I thought of my self-whatever (and the lack thereof), and what I need to repent of, I heard His gentle whisper in my heart again...
A verse from Song of Songs (that I didn't even know that I knew...)
"You are altogether beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you."
He says this... Who am I to take anyone else's (including my own) opinion over His?
Not to mention, do I have 2-3 people who agree with the rubbish stuff I put on myself? Hmmm.
I mean, if you haven't noticed a theme in my 'notes'... Validity, Insecurity, etc... I have been having trouble with my self-worth, self-esteem, self-anything, really. And the root of that problem is that it's based on other people.
I've been stressing about whether or not this boy thinks I'm pretty or sweet or whatever, or whether these people want to hang out with me, or these people think I'm genuine or real, or these other people think I'm smart... etc...
That's not ok.
Tonight at Status, David talked about how we shouldn't get this from people, but rather what does He say about us?
And here's the thing, if I were to describe myself, the best I could do is probably to say 'flawed.' Flawed. Imperfect, worthless, etc...
But my Jesus says that I am loved, justified, redeemed, accepted, beautiful, captivating, His Beloved, and so much more...
And as we worshiped tonight and I thought of my self-whatever (and the lack thereof), and what I need to repent of, I heard His gentle whisper in my heart again...
A verse from Song of Songs (that I didn't even know that I knew...)
"You are altogether beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you."
He says this... Who am I to take anyone else's (including my own) opinion over His?
Not to mention, do I have 2-3 people who agree with the rubbish stuff I put on myself? Hmmm.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Shave Your Legs
Simple yet profound song lyrics by Keb' Mo'.
I just want to share with you how much it totally rocked my world this week... Every week, in some way, somewhere, I hear how much we compare ourselves to someone... maybe it's a real person, maybe it's someone we feel like we have to try to live up to, a better self, if you will... and this week, this song is for that... Haha. Enjoy.
You don't need no fancy tricks
Painted eyes or glossy lips
I love you just the way you are
Hope you don’t mind my beat up car
You don’t need to change your dress
You don’t need to change your shoes
Don’t try to hide your natural looks
Forget about the cover let me read the book
Don’t get me wrong I like them heels
But the way I feel is the way I feel
You don’t need to change your dress
You don’t need to change your shoes
Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me
Honeybabe don’t starve yourself
You’re lookin’ good, you’re lookin’ well
And I’m proud to have you by my side...
Glad to have you in my life
You don’t have to clean my house,
You don’t have to wash my clothes...
Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me
You’re an angel.
You don’t have to read them magazines,
You already know how to get to me
Just be yourself and I will too
That’s all we really have to do
You don’t have to be ashamed
You don’t have to hide your knees
Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me...
Shave yo legs.
By: Keb' Mo
I just want to share with you how much it totally rocked my world this week... Every week, in some way, somewhere, I hear how much we compare ourselves to someone... maybe it's a real person, maybe it's someone we feel like we have to try to live up to, a better self, if you will... and this week, this song is for that... Haha. Enjoy.
You don't need no fancy tricks
Painted eyes or glossy lips
I love you just the way you are
Hope you don’t mind my beat up car
You don’t need to change your dress
You don’t need to change your shoes
Don’t try to hide your natural looks
Forget about the cover let me read the book
Don’t get me wrong I like them heels
But the way I feel is the way I feel
You don’t need to change your dress
You don’t need to change your shoes
Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me
Honeybabe don’t starve yourself
You’re lookin’ good, you’re lookin’ well
And I’m proud to have you by my side...
Glad to have you in my life
You don’t have to clean my house,
You don’t have to wash my clothes...
Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me
You’re an angel.
You don’t have to read them magazines,
You already know how to get to me
Just be yourself and I will too
That’s all we really have to do
You don’t have to be ashamed
You don’t have to hide your knees
Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me...
Shave yo legs.
By: Keb' Mo
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Fear.
Complacency. Mundanity.
I have many ideas. Many hopes and dreams and optimisms for helping other people.
And I am the most afraid of the in-between times... The times when I am spiritually dry, when I can focus too much on myself, and lose sight of my Redeemer, my true Love.
I am intensely afraid of the things I do, or even who I am will become all about me... How I feel, what I think, what others think about me for doing what I do, etc...
And what does that stuff matter? It's simply nonsense.
I feel Him so closely at times, and I know He guides me, I hear His gentle whispers in my soul, and I know He loves me. I try to surrender all, always, but I know my true strength is only Him.
My precious Saviour, please take from me my life, when I don't have the strength to give it away to you.
I fear getting caught up so much in ministry, or everyday life even, that I lose sight of my amazing Master, and fail to hear His gentle whispers...
I have many ideas. Many hopes and dreams and optimisms for helping other people.
And I am the most afraid of the in-between times... The times when I am spiritually dry, when I can focus too much on myself, and lose sight of my Redeemer, my true Love.
I am intensely afraid of the things I do, or even who I am will become all about me... How I feel, what I think, what others think about me for doing what I do, etc...
And what does that stuff matter? It's simply nonsense.
I feel Him so closely at times, and I know He guides me, I hear His gentle whispers in my soul, and I know He loves me. I try to surrender all, always, but I know my true strength is only Him.
My precious Saviour, please take from me my life, when I don't have the strength to give it away to you.
I fear getting caught up so much in ministry, or everyday life even, that I lose sight of my amazing Master, and fail to hear His gentle whispers...
Friday, March 7, 2008
What's Your Cause?
I don't know where to begin. Complacency? Validity? Insecurity? Grace? I have so many ramblings to share, maybe not to share... Because I think people would have to want to hear it for it to be something shared... Nonetheless, here I am... I think that I have so much to go on right now. AH!
I met these guys from Food Not Bombs. They're anarchists. They've donated food to me, offered me their kitchen to cook in, their food and spices, etc to use.
I think the best way to show that you are truly about a cause is when it's not just your OWN cause... The fact that these awesome 'anarchist' kids came and are loving on, supporting, and helping my 'cause'... despite our different views, despite the religious differences... Shows me that they truly care. Their hearts are broken for my amazing homeless friends, also.
Last night at our Thursday night thing... (What should I call it - Love Feeds? Love Shares? Anything equally cheesy?) I shared my testimony. More people stuck around to have prayer and listen to people than normally, and it was awesome.
I was so nervous to tell all of these people, (including my anarchist food not bombs friend), about who I am, and most importantly, who God is to me... My Saviour and Redeemer; my Lover.
What is your cause? What is mine? I feel that if it is not something that's global... If you're not ready to join those doing the same thing or trying to help the same things, is it really a cause? --- My words are scrambled but I hope my point comes across.
I met these guys from Food Not Bombs. They're anarchists. They've donated food to me, offered me their kitchen to cook in, their food and spices, etc to use.
I think the best way to show that you are truly about a cause is when it's not just your OWN cause... The fact that these awesome 'anarchist' kids came and are loving on, supporting, and helping my 'cause'... despite our different views, despite the religious differences... Shows me that they truly care. Their hearts are broken for my amazing homeless friends, also.
Last night at our Thursday night thing... (What should I call it - Love Feeds? Love Shares? Anything equally cheesy?) I shared my testimony. More people stuck around to have prayer and listen to people than normally, and it was awesome.
I was so nervous to tell all of these people, (including my anarchist food not bombs friend), about who I am, and most importantly, who God is to me... My Saviour and Redeemer; my Lover.
What is your cause? What is mine? I feel that if it is not something that's global... If you're not ready to join those doing the same thing or trying to help the same things, is it really a cause? --- My words are scrambled but I hope my point comes across.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Repentance changes EVERYTHING.
Just to straighten this out and answer the questions I keep getting asked - YES - there is a boy. Nothing official, nothing serious, it's complicated, and I am trying to make sure that I go about everything the right way, completely Christ-centered.
((That's all the details for now.))
Like Shane Claiborne talks about... {In my BC days} I never felt like I really knew anyone who was REALLY a Christian. I mean, I thought this Jesus, if He were real, would cause more radical change... That He would effect everything, (EVERYTHING) about someone, shake them to their core.
Now I know, that kind of radical change comes with surrender.
There are days when I will wake up and just wonder how I got to where I am, and who this strange person is that I have become/am becoming... and it's overwhelming. It's crazy to me. That I don't care about STUFF anymore, that I'm over my "American dream" lifestyle. (Not that I'm knocking that - whoever you are, I love you & respect what you're doing with your life - it's not as much what you do as who you are and how you do it!)
Anyway, I think one of the weirdest examples I have is that the other night, I watched Saw IV... and it bothered me. Like, disturbed my soul. Haha... And I used to LOVE those movies! ... And I was talking to Josh... I was telling him that this is so weird to me, to be so intensely different than I was...
And he simply told me, repentance changes everything. Everything. This crazy man Jesus, who I've surrendered my all to, He's changed everything I ever thought that I was.
It's not a religion, it's a relationship. It's a LIFE change. It's surrender. It's complete repentance in its' original meaning. I feel like that's Jesus.
((((Not that you have to not like scary movies anymore, or vow off boys, or be poor, or do anything that I do, just what He leads you to do...))))
((That's all the details for now.))
Like Shane Claiborne talks about... {In my BC days} I never felt like I really knew anyone who was REALLY a Christian. I mean, I thought this Jesus, if He were real, would cause more radical change... That He would effect everything, (EVERYTHING) about someone, shake them to their core.
Now I know, that kind of radical change comes with surrender.
There are days when I will wake up and just wonder how I got to where I am, and who this strange person is that I have become/am becoming... and it's overwhelming. It's crazy to me. That I don't care about STUFF anymore, that I'm over my "American dream" lifestyle. (Not that I'm knocking that - whoever you are, I love you & respect what you're doing with your life - it's not as much what you do as who you are and how you do it!)
Anyway, I think one of the weirdest examples I have is that the other night, I watched Saw IV... and it bothered me. Like, disturbed my soul. Haha... And I used to LOVE those movies! ... And I was talking to Josh... I was telling him that this is so weird to me, to be so intensely different than I was...
And he simply told me, repentance changes everything. Everything. This crazy man Jesus, who I've surrendered my all to, He's changed everything I ever thought that I was.
It's not a religion, it's a relationship. It's a LIFE change. It's surrender. It's complete repentance in its' original meaning. I feel like that's Jesus.
((((Not that you have to not like scary movies anymore, or vow off boys, or be poor, or do anything that I do, just what He leads you to do...))))
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Salvation
I think alot about why I used to have so much disdain for Christians & the church as a whole...
And I think that one of the reasons so many people do is that we (Christians) totally fail to present the true message of Christ.
I mean, what good is heaven after I die if here and now is miserable? And the thing is... (Here's the thing)... That's not the message of Jesus.
While, yes it is saving you from hell, it's also so much more about being part of bringing heaven to earth, now. It's about HEALING you where you are broken, completing you where you are incomplete, and loving you where you don't deserve it.
I think when I understood that, is when I really could love who Jesus is.
I think as outsiders of this strange "Christianity" we simply see Christians as Christ's representation, (AND WE ARE) but fail to see that they mess it up, hardcore.
And I feel like it's just so vital... His love is unfailing, neverending, unconditional, and the perfect REDEEMING love.
If He can take the messed up crazy shell of a person that I was, and turn it into whoever this strange person is that I hardly know as myself anymore... There is absolute truth in the soul-deep healing that comes in the glory and power of Jesus Christ...
Not a love that judges, or has hope or agenda, or asks of anything. Just a love. Be that love, in every way you can, to anyone you can. I just want to challenge you to that... See for yourself the rewards it gives your heart.
I have so many more things I want to write, so if anyone reads these, I will be writing several over the next few days.
And I think that one of the reasons so many people do is that we (Christians) totally fail to present the true message of Christ.
I mean, what good is heaven after I die if here and now is miserable? And the thing is... (Here's the thing)... That's not the message of Jesus.
While, yes it is saving you from hell, it's also so much more about being part of bringing heaven to earth, now. It's about HEALING you where you are broken, completing you where you are incomplete, and loving you where you don't deserve it.
I think when I understood that, is when I really could love who Jesus is.
I think as outsiders of this strange "Christianity" we simply see Christians as Christ's representation, (AND WE ARE) but fail to see that they mess it up, hardcore.
And I feel like it's just so vital... His love is unfailing, neverending, unconditional, and the perfect REDEEMING love.
If He can take the messed up crazy shell of a person that I was, and turn it into whoever this strange person is that I hardly know as myself anymore... There is absolute truth in the soul-deep healing that comes in the glory and power of Jesus Christ...
Not a love that judges, or has hope or agenda, or asks of anything. Just a love. Be that love, in every way you can, to anyone you can. I just want to challenge you to that... See for yourself the rewards it gives your heart.
I have so many more things I want to write, so if anyone reads these, I will be writing several over the next few days.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Noxola.
Continuing with the people who have changed my life...
I'm going to just copy the paper I wrote about her:
As Americans, we live in comfort and abundance. Even the poorest of our country’s population that lives in poverty experience better than so many around the world. Yet, other countries, those third world countries that experience poverty and hunger in the deepest meanings of those words, are not a reality to us.
Africa was not a reality to me, some distant place that I know has problems. You see it on television, see public service announcements, and hear devastating statistics. But that seems a whole other world when you stroll through the mall, or sit down for a nice meal at a restaurant. Even as I bought a plane ticket and planned my trip there, Africa still remained unreal to me.
After a period of initial training, and some other work there, in August my team prepared for a month in Swaziland, a small country in southern Africa that is poverty stricken and devastated by HIV and AIDS. We all packed into vans and cars and traveled for six hours. We arrived and began putting up our tents. I knew immediately that this was not simply another country, but a whole other world. I saw nothing familiar - dirt roads, if there were any roads at all, mud and straw huts where there were any homes at all.
Part of what we had come to do was home-based care. We worked with people in the community who had been trained by an organization committed to helping the sick. These ‘home-based care workers’ walked miles everyday to visit people in their homes who are too sick to function. Living in a place where there’s no running water and no electricity, immobility itself can be a death sentence. These workers go to the river for water, sometimes even catching a ride into a town that has a clinic for medicine. My team served alongside these workers and helped them with caring for these people. Nearly forty percent of the Swazi people are HIV positive. The average life expectancy is about 39 years old. We met many elderly people and lots of children, but very few young or middle aged adults.
Due to the shame and disgrace associated with the disease, ignorance and myths regarding HIV and AIDS are commonplace, and people simply do not talk about it. Someone with AIDS is simply ‘sick,’ often said to have tuberculosis or some other ailment, while in reality nearly one of every two people in Swaziland is HIV positive. What had been cold, dry statistics quickly became a very personal reality, with names, faces, and life or death stories.
The children’s stories are the most tragic, for they are robbed of their childhood either by dying of AIDS or by the necessity of caring for loved ones who are.
One day as I walked with Dudu, the home based care worker I assisted, we approached a homestead - a few little huts bunched together in the middle of a large open area. As we walked towards these huts, Dudu turned to me and said quietly, “she has AIDS.” This puzzled me because, as I said, AIDS is rarely spoken of; it is always masked as something else.
A woman, perhaps the oldest woman I have ever met or seen, came from one of the huts to greet us.
“Sanibonani!” she shouted.
In unison, we all responded, “Saubona!”
Despite their intense poverty, in keeping with their culture of hospitality, no Swazi would ever allow a guest to sit in the dirt. They would bring out a small bench if they had one, or straw mats, but regardless how filthy the day’s travels had made us we could not be allowed to sit in the dirt. So this frail ancient woman hastened to provide us with the only luxury she could offer, placing the worn mats that she herself had made, at our feet so we could be seated. Only after we had accepted her humble generosity would she slowly seat herself in the dirt.
Watching her I silently wondered what Dudu could have meant. She was the only person we had seen so far but the elderly don’t usually have AIDS.
Then I saw this small frame ambling listlessly towards us… this tiny shell of a girl with empty eyes… no youthful twinkle in her eye, no hope or joy in her blank stare. I suddenly realized this little six year old girl was the AIDS patient Dudu had referred to. I went to her, knelt down beside her, and started talking to her, hoping to prompt a smile. But Noxola did not respond - no eye contact, no smile, only hopeless despair expressed on her face. Her eyes spoke a thousand words: their emptiness told of hurt, loss, pain, hopelessness, and devastation.
We returned to visit her over the next few weeks, but Noxola remained despondent and unresponsive. On our last visit on our last day in Swaziland I begged my team to go and visit her just once more. As we approached we saw her sitting outside with her grandmother, who was cutting her hair. Noxola just wept softly, her sobs shaking her frail little body. Again her grandmother hurried to bring mats for us to sit on. When she returned I asked if we could finish cutting Noxola’s hair. She agreed, and I sat down beside Noxola. I rubbed her back and smiled at her, wiping away her tears, and she calmed down as my teammate cut her hair. At one point she looked up at me and made eye contact, and I smiled immediately. Noxola quickly hid her face but not before I saw a little twinkle in her eye. Once her haircut was finished she needed a bath and she let me help bathe her while the others talked and helped her grandmother. After the bath we all gathered to pray. I sang a song of hope and love in their native language. Noxola climbed in my lap and smiled at me and sang with me. I held her hand and prayed for her, hugged her close and said goodbye as we started to leave. She came and asked me if she could sing a song for me and I joyfully said, “Yes!” As she sang she had a twinkle of joy in her eyes and a big grin across her face, with the most beautiful little dimples I had ever seen.
While in Swaziland, I met many people suffering from AIDS without hope in what remained of their fragile lives. My own life therefore can never be the same. I can no longer spend money here without thinking of how much food or AIDS medicine it would buy there. My heart is broken and my world shattered for those numbers and statistics that now have names and faces in my heart and mind. Even as I continue to pray for little Noxola I am haunted by the uncertainty of whether she still lives, perhaps remembering her friend “Nomsa,” whose “open heart” helped her smile again.
I'm going to just copy the paper I wrote about her:
As Americans, we live in comfort and abundance. Even the poorest of our country’s population that lives in poverty experience better than so many around the world. Yet, other countries, those third world countries that experience poverty and hunger in the deepest meanings of those words, are not a reality to us.
Africa was not a reality to me, some distant place that I know has problems. You see it on television, see public service announcements, and hear devastating statistics. But that seems a whole other world when you stroll through the mall, or sit down for a nice meal at a restaurant. Even as I bought a plane ticket and planned my trip there, Africa still remained unreal to me.
After a period of initial training, and some other work there, in August my team prepared for a month in Swaziland, a small country in southern Africa that is poverty stricken and devastated by HIV and AIDS. We all packed into vans and cars and traveled for six hours. We arrived and began putting up our tents. I knew immediately that this was not simply another country, but a whole other world. I saw nothing familiar - dirt roads, if there were any roads at all, mud and straw huts where there were any homes at all.
Part of what we had come to do was home-based care. We worked with people in the community who had been trained by an organization committed to helping the sick. These ‘home-based care workers’ walked miles everyday to visit people in their homes who are too sick to function. Living in a place where there’s no running water and no electricity, immobility itself can be a death sentence. These workers go to the river for water, sometimes even catching a ride into a town that has a clinic for medicine. My team served alongside these workers and helped them with caring for these people. Nearly forty percent of the Swazi people are HIV positive. The average life expectancy is about 39 years old. We met many elderly people and lots of children, but very few young or middle aged adults.
Due to the shame and disgrace associated with the disease, ignorance and myths regarding HIV and AIDS are commonplace, and people simply do not talk about it. Someone with AIDS is simply ‘sick,’ often said to have tuberculosis or some other ailment, while in reality nearly one of every two people in Swaziland is HIV positive. What had been cold, dry statistics quickly became a very personal reality, with names, faces, and life or death stories.
The children’s stories are the most tragic, for they are robbed of their childhood either by dying of AIDS or by the necessity of caring for loved ones who are.
One day as I walked with Dudu, the home based care worker I assisted, we approached a homestead - a few little huts bunched together in the middle of a large open area. As we walked towards these huts, Dudu turned to me and said quietly, “she has AIDS.” This puzzled me because, as I said, AIDS is rarely spoken of; it is always masked as something else.
A woman, perhaps the oldest woman I have ever met or seen, came from one of the huts to greet us.
“Sanibonani!” she shouted.
In unison, we all responded, “Saubona!”
Despite their intense poverty, in keeping with their culture of hospitality, no Swazi would ever allow a guest to sit in the dirt. They would bring out a small bench if they had one, or straw mats, but regardless how filthy the day’s travels had made us we could not be allowed to sit in the dirt. So this frail ancient woman hastened to provide us with the only luxury she could offer, placing the worn mats that she herself had made, at our feet so we could be seated. Only after we had accepted her humble generosity would she slowly seat herself in the dirt.
Watching her I silently wondered what Dudu could have meant. She was the only person we had seen so far but the elderly don’t usually have AIDS.
Then I saw this small frame ambling listlessly towards us… this tiny shell of a girl with empty eyes… no youthful twinkle in her eye, no hope or joy in her blank stare. I suddenly realized this little six year old girl was the AIDS patient Dudu had referred to. I went to her, knelt down beside her, and started talking to her, hoping to prompt a smile. But Noxola did not respond - no eye contact, no smile, only hopeless despair expressed on her face. Her eyes spoke a thousand words: their emptiness told of hurt, loss, pain, hopelessness, and devastation.
We returned to visit her over the next few weeks, but Noxola remained despondent and unresponsive. On our last visit on our last day in Swaziland I begged my team to go and visit her just once more. As we approached we saw her sitting outside with her grandmother, who was cutting her hair. Noxola just wept softly, her sobs shaking her frail little body. Again her grandmother hurried to bring mats for us to sit on. When she returned I asked if we could finish cutting Noxola’s hair. She agreed, and I sat down beside Noxola. I rubbed her back and smiled at her, wiping away her tears, and she calmed down as my teammate cut her hair. At one point she looked up at me and made eye contact, and I smiled immediately. Noxola quickly hid her face but not before I saw a little twinkle in her eye. Once her haircut was finished she needed a bath and she let me help bathe her while the others talked and helped her grandmother. After the bath we all gathered to pray. I sang a song of hope and love in their native language. Noxola climbed in my lap and smiled at me and sang with me. I held her hand and prayed for her, hugged her close and said goodbye as we started to leave. She came and asked me if she could sing a song for me and I joyfully said, “Yes!” As she sang she had a twinkle of joy in her eyes and a big grin across her face, with the most beautiful little dimples I had ever seen.
While in Swaziland, I met many people suffering from AIDS without hope in what remained of their fragile lives. My own life therefore can never be the same. I can no longer spend money here without thinking of how much food or AIDS medicine it would buy there. My heart is broken and my world shattered for those numbers and statistics that now have names and faces in my heart and mind. Even as I continue to pray for little Noxola I am haunted by the uncertainty of whether she still lives, perhaps remembering her friend “Nomsa,” whose “open heart” helped her smile again.
The first time I met her.
The day I said goodbye.
Validity
Sometimes I just yearn to be loved and accepted. So much so that it's been stressing me out lately. It's as if all of my worth, value and validity would come from hearing that I am beautiful or just anything good, ya know?
Yesterday, I was at church singing praise and worship, and before I could even finish the thought (about not being beautiful or something), there was this quiet voice in my heart that said 'i'm screaming that at you from all directions'...
And He is.
He could never love me any less, or any more. No matter what I do. He adores me. He is screaming His love and adoration from every direction...
And yet, I still find myself so foolishly desiring it from people. And when I do, He is faithful about showing me that I really only need that from Him.
How easy is it to totally fall into that, though?
I think it might be so easy because of this 'social comparison theory' I've been studying in my psych class... I lose myself the most when I am surrounded by all of my beautiful friends, because (as this thing in psych explains) I am constantly comparing myself... and falling short (in my eyes.)
We all want acceptance and love, and most want words of affirmation, but most important of all is that we do not get caught up in making that our identity... in getting our worth or validity from that.
Our worth and validity does not, (rather should not) come from what other people think... but rather in knowing that our perfect Creator thinks we are so beautiful, loves us so much more than anyone ever could, and pours that love into us from all directions if only we see it.
Yesterday, I was at church singing praise and worship, and before I could even finish the thought (about not being beautiful or something), there was this quiet voice in my heart that said 'i'm screaming that at you from all directions'...
And He is.
He could never love me any less, or any more. No matter what I do. He adores me. He is screaming His love and adoration from every direction...
And yet, I still find myself so foolishly desiring it from people. And when I do, He is faithful about showing me that I really only need that from Him.
How easy is it to totally fall into that, though?
I think it might be so easy because of this 'social comparison theory' I've been studying in my psych class... I lose myself the most when I am surrounded by all of my beautiful friends, because (as this thing in psych explains) I am constantly comparing myself... and falling short (in my eyes.)
We all want acceptance and love, and most want words of affirmation, but most important of all is that we do not get caught up in making that our identity... in getting our worth or validity from that.
Our worth and validity does not, (rather should not) come from what other people think... but rather in knowing that our perfect Creator thinks we are so beautiful, loves us so much more than anyone ever could, and pours that love into us from all directions if only we see it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
