Unconditional Love

The pain inside overwhelms my body... 
Unable to breathe deeply, barely able to hold back tears, I know I've betrayed Him.

When I tell my four year old self proclaiming boyfriend, Isaiah, how much I love him, he always says, "I'm cheating on you." 
And I always say, "I love you anyway."
Once, I said, "You know, Isaiah, Jesus loves you." 
Isaiah responded, "I'm cheating on Him too." 
And before I could process my thoughts, I'd already said, "We all are, and He loves us anyway."

I've had hope stolen from me. 
And some days, I've gladly given it away, not realizing the extreme detriment to my soul... Until the emptiness and despair overwhelms me at the thought of unconditional love.

Unconditional love:
I could never deserve. 
Doesn't even exist. 
Can never happen. 

But then, there He is, in the sunset again, beautiful light shining through the clouds, whispering His love for me, requesting that I be His bride. 

* Jeremiah 3:1 * Hosea *

Recent Realizations.

I need a desk/intentional workspace.

I get hungry around 2:00 am.

I have a terrible memory.

I cope with problems/emotional stress with distraction.

Dandelion Communitea has lost its' appeal - bad service, horrible music, and terrible chai tea (today at least.) 

If I'm not journaling (since I process by writing) I'm not OK. - It's been at least 2 weeks now. 

My love language is quality time. 

Shane Claiborne put a pen to my thoughts, and many of the cries of my heart.

I'm not as awful as I tend to think; someone might actually, genuinely, love me someday.

Cardio Cinema makes me really happy. 

I've never before realized the impact one can have on the life of another; nor have I so desired to have an impact on any as I do these:

Philippians 4:13 ... 
Chocolate chip waffles (and various other tasty creations) are not outside my realm of capability. 

I long for deeper connections. 

There aren't enough hours in the day.