Red headed step child.

Africa calls to me from memories of joy and simplicity.  How my heart longs for Africa, for the orphans so easy to love, beautiful, and simple.  My heart longs for Africa, for the scenery, the tangible results, the inexpressible joy and peace.  

It's cool to love kids in Africa, it's admirable, and it's easy.  

Someone told me the other day that homelessness is the 'red-headed stepchild' of causes, because it is that thing that irks your soul.  It is very obviously brokenness, but it's easier to blame an individual.  

But, at the same time, it's hard to blame an individual for an entire culture, society, and world's selfishness.  

It's easy to love a baby that's dying of a horrible disease, or a child who has lost her parents to a tragedy.  

It's not as easy to love a grown man that hasn't showered in weeks, has no hope in his eyes, and only knows how to ask for money.  

It is much easier to blame him, and in doing so, to shrug him off.  

I get it, though.  It hit me day two in India: if India's going to change, Indians have to take a stand and start being the change that they wish to see.  

I know what poverty looks like in America, and it has shattered my heart.  

But it's much harder than Africa, than India.  It's much harder, because it's not as cut and dry. 

It's in your neighborhood.  It's people that you choose not to see.  

It's much harder because it requires that we have honest conversations with the people around us, that we take steps to change the community we're a part of.  

It's easy to support service for brokenness that's thousands of miles from anything you'll ever have to touch.  It's pretty easy to support service for broken people that will never change your life.  

But, have a conversation with a homeless person and realize that you're not so different - that they're human too - and the world changes.  Your paradigm shifts.  Your life must look different.  

It's messy.  

It's hard.  

It's uncomfortable.

It's truth.  

And, it's Jesus.  

We must have honest conversations that lead us to change...  and that means huge change.  

Change in our lives so that we can see others break free from a broken system that allows for people to be so disconnected from each other that a symptom like homelessness would even exist.  

That is what is necessary.  

If homelessness is going to be addressed long term, if change is going to happen, we must BE the change we wish to see.  

If we're to see homelessness come to an end in America, we must change ourselves, we must take a stand. 

We must embrace honesty and live in community with the people around us, ever aware of their humanity and brokenness, and ever more aware of our own.  

Dear Self.

Upon returning to the USA from India, the leader of the organization that took our team requested that we write ourselves letters about our experience... They'd mail them to us at a later date.
Here we are, 5 months later, and I got mine in the mail today.
It definitely touched my heart, so I'm going to share it with you. 
Keeping in mind that I am deliberate about encouraging myself at times when I feel able to do so, since insecurity is my biggest struggle. 


August 2008
Dear Self,
I hope you haven't so quickly or easily forgotten the poverty... I hope the poverty and desperation have impacted you beyond what you can shake. I hope that you remember the street children and how far those few dollars went to save that little boy's life... I hope that you remember God's faithfulness. 

You prayed and asked for brokenness - He provided. You asked to love until it hurts, and how it does hurt! You asked to love deeply and you do. You have. 
He is faithful.

He was even faithful in answering the prayers you didn't pray. The silent aches and cries of your heart and soul. He provided encouragement when you needed it as well as challenges. 

He gave you heart & love & eyes to see. He let you hold Him as you helf the street children - He held you as the baby's fingers were wrapped around yours. 

He let you be broken - as you asked - but He was just as faithful to heal you. He knew what would be too much & not enough, and He used you.

He used you through your weaknesses, He poured love through you. 
He used your heart & smile & hands & feet to love deeply & genuinely the people of Calcutta. 

He answered every prayer with your absolute best interest at heart. 
He told you, you are breathtakingly beautiful you're humble & wise & loved, as you are. As He has made - and continues to make you - to be.

I hope that not only you haven't forgotten the need & desperation, poverty & heartache... but I hope it rocked your world. I hope you have boldness & confidence in who He has made you - & in sharing Him - I hope you take humility & sincerity home. 
I hope you see that your heart is, at its' core, good - because of what He's done. And in that, you can do anything - you can be self controlled and disciplined, growing beyond insecurity and irresponsibility. 

I hope you dance in the rain - even if you're 'alone' - that you thirst for His Word - even when you don't. 
I hope that you don't forget that 1 dollar is 40 rupees. 
I hope you don't forget that His precious face is in that of everyone's you meet. 
That poverty in the USA looks completely different, but it's need, it's hunger, it's darkness. & in darkness, there's hope of light, in pain there's hope for healing... & that's what He does, who He is.

Almost more than all else, I hope you just see that you're free. Free to live & be who He's created you to be. That you'll open up and be real & vulnerable, that you'll figure out who you are & be completely true to you. (In Him of course.) 

There's too much to put into words or wrap my heart or head around right now, but, life must be different. 

Where is your Calcutta? What is worth your time? Who is your Master? What would He have you do?

Listen & learn in every situation you face. 
You are beautiful. So many people have told you that this month. 
Don't ever forget, you shine Jesus. 

You're loved. You're free. You're beautiful. You're Him. You're me. 

Love, with His love.
Lee Anne

Resolutions

"What are your New Year's Resolutions?" read the message that interrupted my afternoon nap. 

I don't have any.

Can I be that honest?

Can I say that I think it's total rubbish? 

In some cases it's an excuse to prolong destructive behaviours. 

In other cases it's an overdue realization that there needs to be change in our lives, (which can be amazing). 

If a commitment to change comes from a place of guilt, it won't last; it's not heartfelt, it's not sustainable.

I don't have a New Year's resolution because I make commitments to change, to live life fully, in the pursuit of health and balance on a daily basis. 
I don't narrow it down to one day of the year that I decide this next year is going to be different... I hope and pray at the end of each and every day that the next will be different, better. 

Better today than yesterday and better tomorrow than today.

More of Him today than yesterday, and more tomorrow than today. 

I could go on, but I'll leave it at this...

If I had to have a New Year's resolution, it would be that my life would be the constant pursuit of truth, balance, health, and positive change. 

That I would be living the change I wish to see in the world; I'd be intentional about living love as an action. 

That I would always remember I am a human being, not a human doing. 

That in every single day, I would grow closer to the person I was created to be, creating, living, loving, learning, growing.

Precious Lover,

How my heart longs for your kiss, 

Just a single taste of your lips.

Your words to caress my soul,

Ever intent to make me whole.

Teach me love

beyond what's dreamt of

Lovers and friends 

deep and passionate without end. Your soul completes my being. You were sent to rescue me, my Saviour, my Lover, my Soulmate. 

You must rescue me.

Teach me to be free.