Defeated and Deflated/Redeemed and Rescued

It's a brand new day, and still I feel defeated and deflated.
There's an open wound in my soul where the disconnect freely flows. There's a place in my heart where my soul asks why.
The pain makes me long to run but my heart knows better.
I'll get far away and the ache will still remain... if I run hard enough, the ache will only worsen.
So what's left to do?
What's left to do but surrender all to you?
I'm incapable, inadequate; it feels impossible.
My anger makes me want to lay blame, my hurt wants to scream your name. Run for cover, be ready for bombs, but I feel compelled to reach with open arms.

How can this be?

I'm taught to respond with anger. I'm taught to kill anyone threatening violence. I'm taught that my biggest priority is me.
Certainly not if I face bombs with open arms.

Internal conflict between what I've been taught and what I know is true consistently, persistently, leads me to You.

There's no way I know how to let go, or lay it all down so I'm here at your feet and I bow, Lord please take it from me when I don't know how
How to let go
How to heal
How to be free

King, redeem me.

Love through me when I think it's impossible.
Live through me when I'm dead at the start.
Love through me when I'm completely incapable.
Live through this broken bleeding aching heart.

Your word promises things
Things that seem naught, but dreams
Things you promise to us

You've made the theme of my life redemption.
That's the word I pursue, the word that flows through my veins, the word that describes the journey of my life.
All made possible by Your unending grace.

Mystery man revealed.

Who is this Jesus we proclaim?

He's the epitome of selfless sacrificial love.

So, if I'm living my life in pursuit of Him, that changes everything, right?

It's this crazy love that hurts like hell to give because it calls you to die.

It means decisions that feel like death, it means love that gives without taking or asking or expecting.

He says crazy things like, "return good for evil" and "love your enemies."

Yet, how often are His words twisted to become justification for our own selfish causes?

Often, we're willing to "selflessly love" as long as it doesn't require any real sacrifice. Love's grand until it requires giving up luxuries or comforts.

I'm angry.

Why am I - an unmarried 22 year old college student - the only one considering taking in a 16 month old child to keep him from being lost to the foster care system? ...

More importantly, why are there so many more capable, qualified, stable couples who proclaim Jesus that aren't willing to give it a second thought???

If any one of the mega churches in Orlando would take on the issue of homelessness in a serious, selfless way, it'd be solved.

But instead, we go out and put band-aids on a world that's bleeding to death, say we're making a difference, and watch them die.

Instead of bringing them into our homes and giving of ourselves - our time, money, resources, and lives - we look at a dying world and make excuses for why we can't help.

That is not the Jesus I see when I encounter the Gospel.

But that's the Jesus we see throughout this world.

A man who solves your problems, wants you to be happy, and donate to charity - if you can afford it.

In the Gospel - He requires you to give your entire life everyday if you're going to follow Him.

Let's do it, people.

Let's live our lives differently in light of this Gospel we're called to.

This life is worth living when we choose to lay it down.

Love and the many lies we're sold.

My heart longs for a love that sets me free,

A love that enables me.

What I have been sold, however,

is a lie that the only true love

is that which leaves me lost without another.

I found myself wanting to express how much I love him today,

and all the things I wanted to say, I realized I didn't want to mean.

I don't want to be unable to function without him.

I don't want to ever say "I can't live without you."

What I need is a love that only He can give.

What I don't need is a lie that 'alone, I can't live'.

I don't want to live without him, but I can.

I need to be able to survive because my life isn't dependent on him.

Jesus shows me His love in so many ways through this man that I choose to love...

this man who sets me free with the love he so generously gives to me.

I haven't deserved the Love I've been given for one single solitary moment, but it's a gift I've gotten nonetheless; it's a truth with which I've been undoubtedly blessed.

Love is meant to be this sacrificial, selfless lifestyle.

It's not a feeling, it's not even an action, it's a conscious daily choice, a way of life that's always laying down...

It's serving and dying and giving and losing...

It's freeing and empowering, encouraging and hugging...

It's listening and redeeming, releasing and embracing...

It's knowing that no matter what,

We will always be inadequate;

It's knowing that we can't lay down,

but for the grace of His crown.

(anything at all, no matter how big or infinitely small)

It's saying I love you, and you need to know I'm nothing.

I'm nothing without Him, even when I say I love you, know I will fail.

Know that the only times I even come close are when I am nothing...

Because that's when He's working through me,

and when I try of my own strength, I will inevitably fail.

I love you. (I will always fail).

I am nothing, therefore completely incapable of loving you.

BUT -

He has chosen [for some strange reason completely unbeknownst to me]

to love you through these hands of mine,

through this heart of mine,

I promise to pray

everyday

to let it always only ever be

His grace and love

flowing

through me.

disappointment follows my lack of follow through

All day long I did not write

my thoughts

my dreams

trapped

inside my mind

only

to escape

to be lost forever.

Commandment number one.

Embracing the kingdom means rejecting the empire.

Jesus brilliantly selflessly sacrificially loved the people around Him.

He fought the empire with love.

Rome was the idol then.

America is the idol now.

This holiday is supposed to represent freedom.

This country is often branded as symbolic of peace.

This is no holy day.

This is not a country of peace, but of selfish wars.

I understand the appreciation for the privileges of being an American.

I understand the defense of those we love giving their lives to serve our country.

I know we're called to sacrifice our lives only in service to His glory...

As opposed to attempts to gain a freedom we've already been given.

He has already set us free but we're proud...

We puff out our chests and 'fight like real men' for a freedom that we choose not to see that's already ours.

I do not take lightly the loss of human life and I mean no disrespect in that way in stating my opposition to this 'holiday', to this country...

In fact, that's my point:

Human life is sacred and of value to Him, and I do not take it lightly when human life is taken unnecessarily.

What I do not understand is how anyone that claims to passionately, selflessly follow Christ can proclaim that they're proud to be an American.

(( When everything America stands for and proves to be is in complete opposition of everything the Gospels calls us to. ))

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Lee Anne Rankin : when I wanted to post something negative about America and this silly holiday, John asked that I post something positive instead. So... Jesus has the power to redeem the hearts of this wicked, selfish, destructive nation. We are free because He laid down His life for us to be redeemed; for us to be set free. We are His.

about an hour ago · Comment · Like

Jane Doe at 11:21 on 04 July

What about this holiday is silly, Lee Anne?

Lee Anne Rankin at 11:23 on 04 July

Embracing His kingdom means rejecting this empire.

Jane Doe at 11:26 on 04 July

I think sometime when we get a chance I would like to hear your thoughts. You always seem to have some very interesting comments that I wouln't have thought of. And I don't mean that condescending.

Lee Anne Rankin at 11:28 on 04 July

I would love to talk with you and share my thoughts and my heart on what it means to follow Jesus.
In the meantime, good reading for better understanding: Jesus for President (on this topic).

John Doe at 11:33 on 04 July

This holiday isn't about politics, Lee Anne, but about the freedom that you enjoy as a result of a war for independance that was fought over 200 years ago. Honor those soldiers and servicemen who still stand watch over that freedom by celebrating this holiday with a glad heart.

Lee Anne Rankin at 11:44 on 04 July

I understand.
I choose instead to celebrate the actual freedom I have as a result of a sacrifice that was made more than 2000 years ago.

Just to clarify: I don't take the sacrifice of human life lightly, but that's my point.
We've already got freedom if we embrace His sacrifice, and giving lives for America is reaching for a false sense of freedom.

Also: good reading for Biblical support and and eye opening comparison of America to ancient Rome: "Jesus for President" by Shane Claiborne.

Jane Doe at 11:49 on 04 July

But what kind of freedom to embrace His sacrifice and be able to celebrate the freedom Jesus gave us by dying on the cross would you have without the freedom we as a Americans and the Armed Forces have fought for so long to give you? Iraq? Iran? Cuba?

Its those very lives and sacrifices that have given you that freedom to worship freely

Lee Anne Rankin at 12:02 on 04 July

We should definitely talk.

Please know that my heart in this is only to embrace His truth and what I know of what He has asked of us.

We are called to live love.

Please know I do not mean to hurt you, or like I told John Doe, to imply that I take human sacrifice lightly...