The Lack Thereof

With few exceptions, there are echoes in my soul from those who surround me.

You speak to my soul.
Because I love you. 
Because He loves me.

I let you in, you let me down.
I hear a resounding 'failure'.

I give you a piece of my heart, you tear it apart...
'Worthless' cuts deep in my soul.

I give, you take.
I hear 'the lack thereof'.

I cry out for help, you turn a deaf ear.
You can't imagine the message that makes me hear.

I shy away from all the talk, 
In hopes of a friend who'll walk.
Walk a road with me, take my hand.
Rescue me from this lost and unloving land. 

Your words are meaningless.
When there is no follow through, 
it matters not that you say 'i love you'.

Would I matter more if I wore the right clothes?
What if I told you what you want to hear instead of truth?
Would I be invited in, then?
Would you make me a small priority...
If I really enjoyed the meaningless activity?

I have been shown who I matter to.
And sadly, I know it is not you.

I AM is my number one, 
Even when I want to run,
He is by my side, 
So from you, I will not hide. 

The pain and rejection you scream into my soul...
I will let it go, because it is He who makes me whole.

These words your actions speak to me 
Are more than my own insecurity.

I will be here, when it is convenient for you.
Hopefully my actions can make my words ring true.

>Squeeze<

I've been feeling really left out of things lately.
Offended or hurt that some people haven't asked me to this or that...
Even if I know I can't go, it's in the asking, right?!

Ridiculous.

I had an hour on friday, and I called my dad (since he was on this side of town), and asked him to meet for dinner.
As we met and talked a little, just before we were leaving, and I was saying, I really have to run...
He asked that I not squeeze him in between things, not that he doesn't want to see me, but that he'd prefer to have time with me that I wasn't always on the run.

I thought about that.
I wonder if everyone in my life feels that way. Because I try to make the MOST of my time, all the time, I'm always going, ok, great to see you, got to run...

Would it be better if I spent more quality time with fewer people?
I can't decide.

I feel like too many of my relationships are surface level.

I need to be challenged and inspired by those that are close to me.
And I feel alot like I'm the one challenging, I'm the one calling if we are to hang out...

I need to be fulfilled in knowing that I am pursued by HIM, and stop worrying about worth from people.

Why is this my constant battle?

3rd Person #2

Lee Anne got facebook to change her name from Lee to Lee Anne. 

Lee Anne will be turning 21 next friday. 

She needs a haircut. And she'd love to get her nails did. It's been forever since she had a mani-pedi. 

She thinks she's going to have to drop her developmental psych class because in 5 weeks there are like 85 assignments. AHHHH! Someone save her!

She hopes to get money to pay her debts. 
He's already paid her greatest debt though. 

She (strangely) enjoys her on-campus math class this term.
Who'd have ever imagined she would enjoy a math class? - Well, it is only the first week. 

Lee Anne is going to be working at Universal this week.

She's going to go to disney (courtesy of a lovely friend) for her birthday next week.

Lee Anne loves knowing that she is important to people. 
She loves being loved, and loving others. 

She can see the King of Glory... He is so beautiful. He has set her free. 
He has taken the brokenness that covered everything in her heart and soul, and He's making it beautiful.

He makes everything beautiful. 
What does that make her? 

He's teaching her that.

Make it Happen

I ache for change.

A new kind of world is possible. It starts with making love an action. 

It happens when we are no longer the stars of our own lives. 

It happens when we realize our $100 jeans make no difference. 

It happens when we see everyone with His eyes. 

It happens when we know that we can learn from every circumstance, every one around us, everything we experience. 

Mother Teresa said that we can do no great things, only small things with great love.

Whether we can do great things, or even love greatly, I am uncertain. 
I do know that He is great, and He can use us. Not only can He, He desires to.