I Want You.

Broken. Hurt. Lost. Confused. Desperate.
Numb.

I want you to care.
I want to cry and have you wipe away the tears.
I want to hear you say I'm beautiful.
I want you to bring a smile to my face.
I want you to see my pain and set me free.
I want you to be with me. 
I want your love and comfort, hope and security.

But the thing is, you're not who can give it to me.
It's only Him. It's only Him. 

He wants to be these things to me, but I keep telling Him what I've been told forever: "You're not good enough."

I don't want my happiness to depend on you.
I don't want my self worth to come from your concept of beauty.
I don't want my passions to live up (or not) to your expectations.
I don't want my dreams to fade away as I see your disapproval. 
I don't want the darkness of my soul to keep me from seeing the light.
I don't want to cease to be in my attempt to do.
I don't want to lose my soul in the pursuit of your love.

What I really need is Him.
My head knows; why can't my heart believe?

At the end of the day, I'd rather have a false sense of love that I can touch and smell and see than genuine love that requires faith. 

I want you. I need Him.
I love not. He loves all.
He's truth... I live a lie.

'I am thankful for Jesus because He gives me grace. 
Jesus is like the best friend that knows me all too well.