Repeat

A friend shared some words with me yesterday that went through me. 
He told me that I was making things all about me, in the heat of angry moments, we say things we don't mean.
He apologized, and said it wasn't meant... 

But, really... I am. I do. 

The thing I am constantly battling is my SELF. I want to make things about me. 

I want to be 'cool' or I want to be a rockstar in whatever way I can... I want to be the most radical or the most this or the most that... But that person needs to be killed. (That me.) 

Another friend asked me why the Bible repeats itself so much.
I wanted to say because we're stupid and we don't get it the first time... But if that's the case, we don't really get it any time, because we still screw it up.

I don't know why I try to be 'super-whatever' around some people, and not others. I am not going to do so anymore. 

This dance with my Jesus, is a process, it's growth. It's cleansing... It's a cycle.

It's lather... Covered in sin and self.
It's rinse... He cleanses us, makes us white as snow...
It's repeat... Because we don't get it, because we go back to the sin that is the self. 

And it's a cycle, because He's ever faithful to forgive us, take those burdens, and make us clean again. 

Matthew 16 v 24
Mark 8 v 34 
Luke 9 v 23

We must refocus. We must not make it about ourselves. 

We must put to death our 'super-whatevers' (( Rob Bell )). 

Yesterday, I sang, "We are Yours, we are Yours, we are Yours..." 

If we claim to be yours, Jesus, we must deny our self, and become YOURS fully. I cry out to you, Father, chip away everything that is not You. More of you today than yesterday and more tomorrow still than today.