Broken Hearted.

I sometimes pray that peoples' hearts will be broken. Not because I want anyone to hurt... But because sometimes that's what it takes... Because when the statistics become faces, heartbreak happens, and then change takes place... I was thinking this the other day, and I ran across scriptures that talked about the broken hearted. 

That He came to bind up the broken hearted. That He is close to the brokenhearted. Blessed are the broken...

You can't be broken by or for someone or something and do nothing about it... Better to be hot or cold than lukewarm. I feel as though so many I know are so lukewarm. Just surviving, just getting by. Barely there... barely breathing, struggling for fresh air. 

He is a breath of fresh air in any situation. High or low, He is the way. He is the truth. He is the life. 

I'm so scattered right now. So confused. So disappointed. In myself mostly.

When I think that I have changed, that I have done good, or I have done anything, I realize how much of a screw up I am... When I make my life all about me. 

I am in a place right now where I realize that I made some choices that were all about me. And I am heartbroken, aching because of it. 

I need to be challenged. I need to be called out. I need accountability and a mentor. I need prayer. I need to be more wise, and the best I can do is to just surrender to Him and pray hard. 

Sometimes I catch myself and realize that I have forgotten that I need people. That I can't do it all on my own, and I need other people. I am so afraid of being let down that I rarely depend on others, and I don't expect anyone to follow through... 

I am thinking about going vegetarian. And maybe starting to drink coffee. Because I am constantly burnt out. 

I hope that the world's heart breaks the way mine did. For Africa. For lost, broken hurting people. For anything, really. I hope that the hole that is left is one that is known to only be filled by the love of Christ, and I hope that love overflows from an open heart into a broken world. 

<3