Plague of Insecurity

Disclaimer: This is plaguing my heart & soul in the recent days. I have to spit it out. I hope it reads as my thoughts.

I am failing miserably at trusting God, and it amazes me what's troubling me now.

Formerly, it was my insecurity. My inability to believe and understand that this God could love me as much as He claims to, because I am so not worthy of it. He cured that. He healed that. He loves me, and I get that. 

That was a huge hurdle. 

Now, I can not trust Him that He's writing my love story. I find myself unable to trust that He can make someone else who will love me... That it's even possible. or that I would deserve it or get it if it existed. 

I guess it still amazes me the extent to which He has changed me already... Everything I ever thought that I was has been radically changed by His grace and unfailing love. 

I never accepted, neither understood nor agreed with anything I am being able to relate to any sort of beauty. He redeemed that, He told me He loves me, and to Him, I am beautiful. And that's truth in Him. 

But, not by today's standards, society's, even my own or others' around me... 

And I am finding it increasingly hard to trust that He will provide that... That He will provide some guy that's going to be all the things I desire; who's going to (most importantly) challenge me toward Christ. 

And last, I am finding that it's not just me. There's a staggering array of people who feel similarly. 

What will it take for us to see that He can and will provide in some way, better than we ever could, for our every need?...