In college, I learn... Nothing.

This education I've been getting is bogus.

How am I to improve if I'm not given correction?

How am I to learn if I submit an assignment, exam, etc., only to get a grade back?

I have no way of knowing what I got wrong, or what the right answer is so I can move forward with a better understanding of the subject matter.

This is probably one of many reasons I despise college.

I at least need to see what my wrong answers were... why points were deducted from the paper I wrote...

Otherwise, I just put forth effort and learn nothing.

ReDefine

What words are in your vocabulary that ought to be verbs?

The one that comes to mind most frequently for me is love.

As I was writing a letter to Jesus this morning...

(And before you think I'm being braggy, let me just tell you... it's the first in too long a while.)

Anyway, as I was writing a letter to Jesus this morning I wrote a very incomplete sentence. It was lacking a verb...

As I reread it, I realized this, and almost crossed the sentence out...
(Because, of course, Jesus won't understand what I mean unless it's at least close to proper grammar).

Just then, I realized, as with everything else in my life, my vocabulary needs to be redefined.

Simple words that have been outside your being for as long as you've known, that come to life and become part of you, shift the way you think and view the world...

What if beauty ceases to be a thing to be observed and is rather, a thing to be lived; a thing to be experienced?

What if love ceases to be something you have, and begins to be something you live?

The way you see the world changes.

When the world around you changes, you can't help but begin to make changes, yourself, to the world around you.

Take a look at what's around you today, and see what you can redefine, what you take advantage of as something stationary, outside yourself...

Then, ask Him to redefine it.

I guarantee He has a better definition than any we know or could ever imagine.

Thoughts regarding Plato's Cave.

In my current Humanities class, we read about Plato's "Allegory of the Cave." These people are chained in a cave for years and years, and all they can see of the world is shadows cast on the wall from a world that's behind them...

Here are my thoughts on the subject: (a paper I had to write for the class that asked for my thoughts on various topics, I chose this one. 400 word maximum.).

I imagine these central characters, imprisoned in a cave only able to see shadows of reality, would be amazed, in shock and awe at the wonders they would discover upon seeing Beauty for the first time as opposed to its mere shadow. With knowledge comes great responsibility, and once one has crossed over into knowledge, as opposed to imprisoned ignorance, one cannot ever go back; everything is forever changed. Such an experience is the epitome of paradigm shifts.

I had just such an experience in 2007 when I chose to take a break from my education in Marketing and travel to Africa to live, doing humanitarian work for six months. I was completely unaware of my passions in life and only pursuing what I knew could make me money and get me closer to the ‘American Dream’ lifestyle that I so desired. As I looked out the airplane window over Africa, I had a sinking feeling that my world was about to radically change. Every reality I’d ever known was challenged, in what is valued and sought after as a worldly American. I saw hurt and poverty that I could never have imagined. All of the things I’d been pursuing, all the things I’d been taught by our culture began to seem completely meaningless. Once I returned to America at the end of 2007, I had so much shock to overcome that it was overwhelming. My life in America suddenly felt meaningless as well. I knew I didn’t care about money anymore, I couldn’t pretend that possessions mattered for a moment longer. Several months later I discovered my passions and have begun pursuing those, as I started a nonprofit that works with the homeless and began writing their stories to raise awareness and hopefully change lives.

My heart was devastated by the things I saw and experienced during my time in Africa, my education was postponed which effected my long term plans significantly, relationships I had at the time were hurt by my absence, and it cost me a lot. However, there hasn’t been a moment since that I’ve regretted my decision to go and moreover, the effects it has had on my life as well as the newfound worldview that has forever changed the way I live. I don’t for a moment believe that ignorance is bliss even though knowledge creates huge responsibility.

Choosing Love

I've spent the last month choosing to do the right thing, the hard way, everyday.

I've been having awkward conversations with people so as to approach a certain situation the best, most loving way. 

(Not that I'm always successful. I screw up. But I'm committed to doing the right thing.)

This effects everything. 

This morning, I spent quite a bit of time telling a friend that there's nothing he could ever do to make me love him any less. I was hoping that he'd understand how much he's loved and begin to let us be real friends for hard things, not just the easy stuff.

It's incredible to choose to love someone no matter what. 

It's painful. It's difficult. 

It's redemptive.

I don't think I deserve love most days.

Sometimes that makes me push away the people who try to love me most. 

Those are the days I need the most love.

It's not easy. I'm not easy to love. 

I know that. 

But, it's about choosing to love me anyway. 

It's about choosing to fight me in order to love me sometimes.

It's about telling me that I matter enough for you to fight for.

There's this awesome person in my life... He's been there for quite awhile now, and he's played a big part in how I experience Jesus because he's shown me such unconditional love.

I've been really honest about life with him. I've let him in to my life. 

He's seen and known my heart. 

This afternoon, he told me that he's tired of fighting to be close to me.

It's not easy enough. I'm not worth the fight. 

Maybe this isn't what he meant, but it is surely what he communicated.

As if the words that preceded those didn't cut deep enough, he said if I'm going to be so difficult to love, we can just part ways.

Hurt people hurt people.

I know. I've known.

You were supposed to love me better.

Do I get grace? 

Unconditional love? 

Here's the hard part:

I'm devastated by this conversation I had. 

I'm tempted to let my hurt build and disconnect from him completely... but isn't this just what I'm asking?

If I'm so hurt because he's mentioned the possibility of giving up, do I then give up also, or do I push and fight to love him? 

Love is an action.

Love is a lifestyle.

Love is a choice. 

Love is a need.

"Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." 

Love is an action.

Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. 

It's simple to choose love, though.

Love wins.

Mark's gonna be free

Meet Mark.

Mark may very well be the sweetest man I've ever met. (He's also the most photogenic.) 
Every time I see him, he greets me with a huge smile, a big hug, and a kiss on the cheek. 

I notice when he's not around. It brings me joy each time I see him. I look forward to talking with him.

Last month, Mark gave me a hug, not unusual, but this hug changed everything. He smelled so strongly of alcohol that I held my breath, then I did something that I don't normally do. 

I told him.

"Mark, you reek of alcohol."

"I always smell like alcohol." He said.

"I know, but I keep hoping someday I'll hug you & you won't anymore."

"You can't just accept me how I am?" He said, getting angry.

"Mark, I love you. I love you just the way you are, and if you never change, I'll never love you any less. I love you, and that means I have to push you to do better." 

He wasn't hearing me completely, then finally it clicked. If I love him, I want what's best for him, and this life clearly isn't.

"You're an amazing woman." He said, and he leaned down and kissed my forehead as he turned and walked away, waving goodbye over his shoulder.

Later that week, I was talking with Sean who works at the church that provides food for the Nomsa community dinners I'm involved with each week. Sean told me that he and his wife have been praying for Mark and telling him the same kinds of things I have.

What's especially important about what they've been telling him is that he can be free from his addiction to alcohol. 

Mark and I have had several very similar conversations in the last few weeks. I love him. I can only love him because Jesus loved me, I could never have done it before. 

Last week, Sean gave his testimony to all the folks who stuck around for worship & Bible study, because our normal 'preacher' couldn't make it. Sean told of his own struggles and how Jesus set him free.

Sean talked about a program at his church called "Celebrate Recovery" and said he'd make sure anyone and everyone that wanted to go would get a ride, so that they too can overcome their addictions, hurts, and embrace freedom. 

After Sean was done speaking, I walked over to Mark and patted his round belly,

"So, Mark, are you gonna go with Sean to Celebrate Recovery?" I said, only joking, but hopeful.

"That's what I'm waiting to talk to Sean about right now." He said.

My eyes filled with tears, I jumped up and down, letting out a little scream and I stood on my tip-toes to hug his neck, his beard scratching my face. 

I asked him if I could wait with him so we could tell Sean, and I went to get Sean's wife so we could all be together. 

A small victory. (Or so I thought.)

Tomorrow, Mark checks into rehab. 
(Rehab is not part of the Celebrate Recovery process. CR is like Christian AA). 

It's a tough, long road he's beginning to walk, but he's committing to the hard road, and that's more than I'd expected and the beginning of what I'd hoped for. 

(Me & Mark tonight, this is his "Before" picture).

He's hardworking. He's passionate. He's giving. He's kind. 

He's addicted. He's captive. He's broken.

& ...

He's going to be free.